it’s been awhile since i posted. so much for posting one theme everyday. i guess it’s just not right when inspiration doesn’t come. it’s not that i didn’t have any. lately, life’s just been a tad on the busy end for me. a much needed rest awarded to me and all for tmr. how nice. i really needed it. the idle mind wanders too often especially when it has nothing to focus on. that’s right… today’s focal point is none other than the notorious yet necessary part of our lives. the ones that hurt and also the ones that are responsible for joy that never ends.
during these days, it’s just been so hectic in my head. life was so mundane for me to a point whereby my mind was free to roam the deepest trenches it kept hidden. Many a times, we tell ourselves that we must lock away our past horrors and move on but can we? if it were that simple, would there not be problems? without them i would also say very confidently, that chance would never show its face. over the days, i’ve sat pondering and knocking into the late hours thinking of everything i regretted. everything i wanted to feel. everything i wanted to be and everything i wanted my love to be like. questions arose. many in fact. they came in torrents over and over, some feeling only one with the same can understand. crashing wave after wave, the mental fatigue so draining. i’ve just been thinking about how my love life’s been and it’s not a very shapely figure. though i did ask myself some questions that finally led me to this late post. what was love actually? how is it we fall into it so easily no matter how hard we try? how is it we cannot escape its clutches no matter how strong we are? what is considered love? what is considered something less?
although i haven’t yet come up with an answer, it’s still something i think is feasible enough an answer. in my context that is. what love is. it’s really just everybody’s dreams and hopes to share the same world/realm as themselves with another. whether in difference or in similarity. they were always joined hand in hand. it wasn’t a physical union that was important but the spirit union. i craved the understanding. not so the physicals. perhaps it differed to everyone. like i concluded, it was everyone’s dreams and hopes shared… rolled into one. thus, it would differ very much or very slightly from everyone. you would be lucky to find the one who shared the same wants as you. then there you might just’ve found the one you want. the one you will ache for. the one you will see beauty and contemplate your every movement and every word. the time when you will feel that everything else wasn’t important but the one before your eyes.
an easy delusion most would say. what good was love without money they say. the dollar bills, the yen, the pound… what good was it really? the goodness that fills your empty mind. the one that fills up every crevice present in our very painful thinking.
i’ll leave this hanging. for this is as far as i would want to say. it feels weird but i’d rather it this way. the post ending so abruptly. all i can say is… i really do love people too often. i use the word love because i know i can and i would if they ever… that is my definition of love. have you understood my point?!