In Photos We Seek

it's just a little late...

Wed, 27 Jan 2010 01:46:00 +0800

it’s been awhile since i posted. so much for posting one theme everyday. i guess it’s just not right when inspiration doesn’t come. it’s not that i didn’t have any. lately, life’s just been a tad on the busy end for me. a much needed rest awarded to me and all for tmr. how nice. i really needed it. the idle mind wanders too often especially when it has nothing to focus on. that’s right… today’s focal point is none other than the notorious yet necessary part of our lives. the ones that hurt and also the ones that are responsible for joy that never ends.

during these days, it’s just been so hectic in my head. life was so mundane for me to a point whereby my mind was free to roam the deepest trenches it kept hidden. Many a times, we tell ourselves that we must lock away our past horrors and move on but can we? if it were that simple, would there not be problems? without them i would also say very confidently, that chance would never show its face. over the days, i’ve sat pondering and knocking into the late hours thinking of everything i regretted. everything i wanted to feel. everything i wanted to be and everything i wanted my love to be like. questions arose. many in fact. they came in torrents over and over, some feeling only one with the same can understand. crashing wave after wave, the mental fatigue so draining. i’ve just been thinking about how my love life’s been and it’s not a very shapely figure. though i did ask myself some questions that finally led me to this late post. what was love actually? how is it we fall into it so easily no matter how hard we try? how is it we cannot escape its clutches no matter how strong we are? what is considered love? what is considered something less?

although i haven’t yet come up with an answer, it’s still something i think is feasible enough an answer. in my context that is. what love is. it’s really just everybody’s dreams and hopes to share the same world/realm as themselves with another. whether in difference or in similarity. they were always joined hand in hand. it wasn’t a physical union that was important but the spirit union. i craved the understanding. not so the physicals. perhaps it differed to everyone. like i concluded, it was everyone’s dreams and hopes shared… rolled into one. thus, it would differ very much or very slightly from everyone. you would be lucky to find the one who shared the same wants as you. then there you might just’ve found the one you want. the one you will ache for. the one you will see beauty and contemplate your every movement and every word. the time when you will feel that everything else wasn’t important but the one before your eyes.

an easy delusion most would say. what good was love without money they say. the dollar bills, the yen, the pound… what good was it really? the goodness that fills your empty mind. the one that fills up every crevice present in our very painful thinking.

i’ll leave this hanging. for this is as far as i would want to say. it feels weird but i’d rather it this way. the post ending so abruptly. all i can say is… i really do love people too often. i use the word love because i know i can and i would if they ever… that is my definition of love. have you understood my point?!

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expressing oneself

Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:43:00 +0800

it was a thing to ponder today. what should my next post be about? what can i show to the world, the beauty it holds. the beauty that has yet to come. the beauty that we have long forgotten. the beauty that we always miss out?

what could possibly be a focal point i can come up with today? handicapped due to a currently non-working camera, i couldn’t snap photos as i wish. i did consider using my phone to do so but it would’ve been disastrous and photoshop would’ve been overused. what beauty would that be with the overuse of a photo editor? for the skill of the editor himself? it wasn’t until the exact moment that i spun around, deep in thought and well immersed in my music pounding my ears that i found the inspirational post.

before me, i saw that a child was dancing in front of his mother. it was comical. it would’ve been hilarious to any one man or woman watching him. it would’ve been a laughing matter for me had i not seen the joy spread across his face. the smile, the laughter off his enjoyment. every move bringing about a new set of joy as he continued in his solitary performance. well not so solitary anymore was it? it certainly brought back memories of my own. being in a dance group, everything in unison. everything following the flow of the music. sometimes without a melody, just the beat. or a faint clapping beyond. the pitter patter of the rain. the unnecessary shuffling of the feet by passers-by.

then came the memories of the juvenile self. random dances with little beats and clangs of our toys. unsteady steps. clumsy postures with the intention to just have pure innocent fun. it was pure beauty. and it reminded me why i loved clubbing. it wasn’t about the girls. it wasn’t about the wine. it was just the pure ecstasy of the dancefloor. the free expression and pure body language. there isn’t any body language more expressive and whole when put into comparison with dancing.

the one thing i remembered my dance coach told us that would stay in my heart forever, “there may be professionalism in dance. but everyone can dance. that makes the professionalism just being human. being one with yourself, being able to express oneself along with everyone else. in the simplest and yet most powerful body movement. there is no right and wrong. there is only the purpose and the meaning.”

so when was the last time you danced? the last time you danced with the only intention of being free? the last time you danced with pure enjoyment and amusement? the last time you danced like when you were a kid? innocent and clumsy yet strong and determined for fun?

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